Well hello again! I have been terrible at blogging since starting work in August last year. I haven’t` worked in 12 years and it has just left me so time poor that I completely fell off the blogosphere. I never thought I would and on reflection, I should have just written. Anything. Rather than let my writing fall by the wayside. It didn`t have to be the perfect time and piece of material. What is the saying? Something about “just write!”
Brief update on work. I have spoken about not being able to work in previous blogs and being “Invisible” but went out on a limb and applied for a job in disability as a support worker and got it!! And big bonus, it is on a casual basis, so I can manage my workload! In typical Helen style, I didn`t manage it very well and over worked myself. But now is the time to sit back and well, get myself back to good health. My last shift for a while ended at 7am this morning. I just love that job and shall miss the staff and clients.
The title of this blog post and the change in my title page may be a huge clue as to a big change in my life and a rather big shock! I toyed with fancy, snappy titles like I did with PP, but just ended up thinking I may as well own it from the get-go and write, Breast Cancer. You can`t really sugar coat it. There I wrote it!
I have been advised to journal while I fight this *#%@+ so thought I might do so here on my blog, whilst still talking all things Perimenopause. Until that is, I get thrown into the Menopause very soon, but more on that later. I am a real heart on my sleeve girl. Never quite sure if that is a good or bad thing, but I am. I have had friends who have gone public in their fight on FB or Insta and I always thought that would be me. You know how you find yourself wondering what you would do in a certain circumstance? Well apparently, not. That may change but for me, it`s all about close family and friends knowing and supporting me, or should I say us, and my close little community here in the world of blogging. I hope to write about my journey, as ever warts and all and hopefully keep my humour along the way. I have so far. Bit hard not to, when your left boob is the star of the show!!
Last Monday, the 4th February will be forever engrained in my mind as the day I was told I had Invasive Ductal Carcinoma Grade 2. My surgeon described it as not a Chihuahua, not a Rottweiler but somewhere in between. Bit different way of explaining it I suppose. 😉 I had found a lump two weeks earlier and had had an ultrasound and a core biopsy. I will talk more about that in the next few posts but now am just putting it in writing for the first time. Baby steps and all that.
My world did not fall apart, I did not cry or wail. “am I going to die?” or anything else one thinks one might do when being given the news that you have the dreaded C word. I didn`t really do anything, except nod and smile at the treatment program and ask a few questions. And I have remained like that ever since. As has my husband. Maybe it hasn`t sunk in yet? Maybe it`s our mind and bodies way of coping, to go into a sort of haze where it doesn`t seem to be happening? Until this feeling passes, I am embracing it as I am not engulfed in tears or any sort of panic. That would be horrendous and may still come.
Next Thursday, 21st February I shall have a lumpectomy, 2 lymph nodes removed and a biopsy. If all goes according to plan, I will have 5 weeks of radiotherapy and avoid chemo but there are a few hurdles on the day of the op to go through.
I never thought this would happen to me, I don`t suppose any of us do, unless it runs in the family and I have no family history to go on. But it has. It`s surreal but we must begin the fight, there is no alternative. I am just hoping it won`t be too long or too gruelling. Writing this today has been good. So much more to say on how this affects us all, most of all our children and parents and partners,