My Midlife Crutch or Two..Wine and Tea!

I have just got back from a fabulous weekend with six girlfriends that was full of laughter, gossip, giggles and well, wine. Lots of wine. It was one of the best times I have had in ages and I needed it. But on the Sunday the chat turned to what we use to get through the day. Life has thrown us all a few curve balls in the fourteen years we have known each other, and we were all a little tired and questioning our wine consumption!! All a big contrast to the yah- hooing and dancing of the night before (in someone’s living room, I might add, not in public! Can you imagine seven of us busting our moves to ” I Will Survive” and ” I Wanna Dance with Somebody” OMG!). Not all of us but some of us definitely began to say that certain things got us through the day more than we had ever needed before. Or even thought of doing before. We ranged in age from forty -eight to sixty-two years old and some work out of home, some stay at home, some have young kids, teens, elderly parents, relationship breakdowns or difficulties, the perimenopause or post menopause, or a mix of them all in various combinations. We laughed it off in the end with the usual “wine o’clock” jokes etc but on my long train journey home it got me thinking. Do I really have a crutch that helps me get through the day? Does it bother me? Yes, and Yes were my conclusions by the time I got home.

You see my two are tea and wine. But am I being too hard on myself? Could the wine get out of hand? I found myself googling at least two well-known bloggers that have given up alcohol and blogged about it and the comments they received. So many. And it is a growing trend with no sign of slowing down. Women embracing wine o’clock, out comes the bottle, on-line shopping goes through the roof and all is well in the world!! I keep hearing that middle aged women are becoming the biggest growing drinking group. Is it because of our youth as a way to unwind ? I know my Miss 24 doesn’t really go out drinking. It’s a totally different socialising experience to our own. We only met others by going out of the house to bars, restaurants and pubs. The youth of today (God I sound like my Nana!) are often on a health kick or have the fear of being posted on social media in a compromising position and it is just too horrifying I am told as once it’s out there, it`s out there. So they avoid it. (Visions of me and my friends partying in the 80s on social media is indeed horrifying! Thank god I was an 80`s teen !!).

But then is everything in moderation ok? So many statistics on what we should and shouldn`t have wine wise or sugar wise. I know them all! I can wholeheartedly admit that as I type this I have had a hell of a day, the usual food prep, cleaning, washing, a wonderful two hours organic farming…all after waiting an hour for roadside assist to tell me I had a completely flat battery at 9am in my car that cost $200 that I haven`t got this week. And it all seemed less stressful with a few cups of tea (need to cut the 2 sugars out of that!) and a couple of merlots before dinner on the horizon. Is there a slippery slope I could be on I stress to myself? Have I been reading too many blogs that hit the slippery slope? Hopefully not because honestly if I can put my feet up or hop in a bath when all are fed, watered and quiet, cradling a nice glass of red, then I can do anything with a smile on my face. Offer me a cup of herbal tea and I might beg to differ on my response!

Do you have a crutch that gets you through the day? Maybe it`s something else like yoga or the gym? Chocolate? Netflix ?

Hopefully this relates with some of you and I am not alone in having a crutch or two.

PP xx

44 thoughts on “My Midlife Crutch or Two..Wine and Tea!

  1. howikilledbetty says:

    Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Right, may I possibly send you in the direction of an old school friend of mine who has the most fabulous book out? She also has a blog … The Sober Diaries is the book and blog is Mummy was a Secret Drinker. Her name is Clare Pooley and I know that you’ll just LOVE her book. Have a read of her earliest blog posts from when she started and I think she will become a complete addition- no pun intended! Good luck and do let me know how you get on. She’s hilarious but brutally honest. Katie x

    Liked by 3 people

  2. jacqueline S says:

    I can relate! Wine gets me through the day …and the stress of running the business… and looking after teens …and the menopause! … so have I come to rely on wine for reward and relaxation?Yes. I am becoming more aware of how much I drink, and when and why I open a bottle. And I’m reining it back. Some days better than others :/ I’ve taken up walking 30 minutes a day which is helping my mood and state of mind. If it’s not wine in the evening it’s definitely a cup of tea and a digestive biscuit!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. LA says:

    I do go to the gym everyday which is great. Also, i also take tea breaks throughout the day. I am a firm believer in everything in moderation!!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. ladygaladriel50 says:

    I try to find ten minutes alone, completely alone, just to meditate. It’s almost impossible with a pup bouncing around waiting for me throw a toy, a hubby wanting to know what’s for tea and adult kids who have less personal space awareness than a toddler. Even when I declare I’m off to meditate one of them will still interrupt me. Depending on how irritated I feel with all the intrusions, I may end up heading for my alternative crutch, a gin and tonic!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Perimenopause Ponderings says:

    I have read some of her blog after hearing her on BBC Womans Hour and Steve Wright.She interviews brilliantly. I often think maybe the seed was planted back in France. A couple of glasses of red was the order of the day before dinner. I remember it being quite alien to this English Au Pair. Not now. Two glasses of wine before dinner has become a habit like two cups of tea in the morning. Thanks Katie xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Perimenopause Ponderings says:

    Hi Jaqueline. Thank you so much for your honest response !! We sound on a very similar path. The reward , whether it be food,drink,exercise,a cigarette , can take quite a hold over us. Read an article somewhere about retraining the brain. I just think some of us don’t worry and some of us do. I have always been very fixated on what I eat and drink so maybe it’s that ?? I also walk every morning and wouldn’t be without it. I just take the dog. No phone and enjoy my surroundings. I remember talking to a very old friend of mine once about it. I have known him since I was 6. ” Oh daaarrling, it’s just even if I drop a paperclip “. All very tongue in cheek but he made me laugh. Lives life to the full that one. Thanks again.Mornings here with a cuppa and digestive. Helen xx

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Perimenopause Ponderings says:

    Hello LA 😊😊. Thanks for reading and commenting. I used to go to the gym. Loved it. Circumstances altered that but I have been doing an evening at home yoga. It’s fabulous !! And getting quite addictive like my morning walk. It slows me and my thoughts down massively. Regular tea breaks are definitely a must. Glad I choose tea over coffee xx

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Perimenopause Ponderings says:

    Oh that made me giggle !! Why do they do that ?? I do like to meditate. Often just before I get up and no one has noticed I am awake or still snoring away themselves 😉. It’s winter here so a hot bath is doable and I love them. I can escape and lock the door. I pop on Ken Bruce on Radio 2 as we are hours ahead and love it !! A G&T must be hard to resist in the glorious weather right now. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  9. All About Life says:

    It’s a glass of red for me too 😊 I never get into the drunken stupors of my youth and never over indulge but it is every day and it’s definitely a crutch. Your post has got me thinking 🤔

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Perimenopausal Ponderings says:

    Yes definitely a similar habit here. I can think of a multitude of reasons to enjoy it and well as they say you’re a long time dead but not many reasons to give it up. I chuckled listening to Womans Hour this morning..they had a segment on controlling screen time for kids after school but then all chuckled at the irony as Mum reaches into the fridge for a glass of wine !!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Cozynookbks says:

    Hi Helen!! I always love reading your very candid posts. Sounds like a fun but poignant time you had with your friends.
    So you think you might be drinking a bit too much wine? But you mentioned “in moderation”, so are you questioning the amount of wine you’re consuming? (Forgive me as I have morning brain and may be misconstruing your reasonings.) I say everything in moderation. I should take my own advice though. I have no wine problems as I don’t like the taste of any alcohol and thus don’t drink any. But, I have a serious problem with eating too much. I’ve gained about 15 pounds over the course of a year and I’m not at all pleased about it. I’ve just revealed my crutch: food!! I eat when I’m happy, sad, bored. I like to nibble while reading which is a huge mistake. I used to be able to shed the pounds with a good diet and exercise, but now that I’m older and the aches and pains make exercising a challenge on many days, the weight just stays put. I love morning walks, but it’s so hot here in the U.S. right now that I avoid outside like the plague!! Oh woe is me. I don’t give up though. Let’s just try to cut back a little. Me on food. You on wine. Okay? But I say have that cup of tea with two sugars. We’ve got to have something, right? 🤷🏽‍♀️

    Liked by 3 people

  12. howikilledbetty says:

    Yes, she comes across quite well. I was the same with the two glasses of wine, but then it turned into two big glasses and starting earlier and earlier until I was looking at the bottle longingly at four o’clock in the afternoon! Xx

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Fractured Faith Blog says:

    It used to be alcohol for me. Every weekend without fail. Except then it started to creep into the week. I decided to stop, started running and blogging and the rest as they say is history. Glad we are following each other again 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Perimenopausal Ponderings says:

    And that’s the slippery slope bit I worry about. I think “wine o”clock” was and is such social media trend but it got away with some people and now the trend is more to nip it in the bud because of that. I know soooo many people who love it though. I don’t think the weather helps here over this side of the pond xxxx

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Perimenopausal Ponderings says:

    Blogging is definitely a great distraction of an evening. I wouldn’t want to do it whilst drinking wine…it’s bad enough when I can’t find my glasses 😉😉. So the mystery does continue ..I found a link that said “view profile in reader” above your follow button on your blog. Still nothing so I am going to try email notifics for when you blog 😊😊

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Perimenopausal Ponderings says:

    Hi Laurie !! So good to hear from you. I always love our connection and how candid you are in your replies. It means the world to me when that happens because people are opening up and well us women have been kept quiet for too long ! Oh gosh I am in danger of getting on a ” #metoo” rant 😉 . Cup of tea at the ready as this might be a long one.
    I guess I am questioning the amount of tea I consume during the day, not due to the tea but the two raw sugars in it and yes the red wine too. Probably two glasses before dinner. Saturday nights, especially if out or an occasion, that might creep up. I am trying to work out whether I am questioning it because of what society says or for me if that makes sense. I haven`t put on weight, I am ok the next day but I still seem to be questioning it and having a crutch. Why do we need one? I can honestly say when I chat to my husband everyone I know has one and they vary from person to person. Mine could be worse so is it the perfectionist in me? It wasn`t something I did until I was in my 30`s and it sort of became fashionable in my circles and kind of stuck around!!
    Thank you Laurie so much for revealing your crutch is food. Honestly it is so common. I don`t but I have a lot of friends who through boredom or stress turn to food. Not just a couple of bickies but the whole packet. I guess it just shows the different things we find comforting or relieving.
    So we are both battling within our selves but two different demons. Cutting back may well be the answer for us. I remember Oprah Winfrey saying she would consume all she could the day before a strict diet that never ended up working so she just went with moderation.
    “A little bit of what you fancy does you good” my Nana used to say over a cup of tea and an iced bun with a wink. Just maybe not too much for us. Gosh this tea with two is good 🙂 🙂 Helen xxxx

    Liked by 3 people

  17. Cozynookbks says:

    I cracked up when you said “Oh gosh I am in danger of getting on a ” #metoo” rant.” 😂 I, for one, don’t keep quiet about anything. Well….at least not in my own household. Ask my husband. I say what’s on my mind, and I’m quite passionate when I rant about the awful things men do to women. Poor guy. My husband’s the most compassionate man when it comes to womens’ issues. He can’t even stand to watch The Color Purple. I think it’s because he grew up with two younger sisters. A real plus for me. 😉
    Anywho….I agree with Oprah. Moderation is the key. Hey, I’m getting older and as a consequence I can’t enjoy life the way I did when I was in my 20’s and 30’s, so I refuse to deny myself whatever little pleasures I can still enjoy. Food is one of them, and I suffer with multiple food intolerances, IBS and allergies. 🙄 But moderation is definitely the key. I was so proud of myself for skipping dinner last night. I’d been out all day and was simply too tired to bother eating. Sometimes I think I eat because it seems like the logical thing to do. I mean, I cook for my husband so I sit down to eat with him. It never occurred to me that I might not be all that hungry and can just skip it. But I do find that I can eat much less and feel satisfied. I’m trying that.
    Helen, I’m trying to enjoy the little things in life. Lie’s so precious, and I don’t want to have to give up everything. So let’s try the moderation method. If you think you’re having too much wine, just cut back. But if you enjoy the tea with two sugars a few times a day but don’t suffer with a weight problem or diabetes, why worry?
    Always enjoy chatting with you. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Perimenopausal Ponderings says:

    Love our chats. Right it’s on !! Moderation is our new word of the day. As you say as long as as things are not causing a problem, life is short and we only have one shot at it. I was just listening to a podcast and a female guest was saying how life had become so “ others and ourselves” I thought she hit the nail on the head there 😊😊

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Ali says:

    Tea and chocolate is my evening ritual. I feel like I am nurturing myself by giving myself this little pleasure each evening. I started this when my children were babies and I had put them down for their afternoon nap, so I think it is rooted in feeling that this is time for me when I am not a mum/wife/partner/colleague/friend, but it is all about me!! Healthy crutches are smelling flowers, watching birds or bees, taking photos, a little bit of yoga, but not as often as I should, and walking, also not as often as I should. Berating ourselves seems part-and-parcel, so maybe that should be something we give ourselves: that we will allow ourselves not be perfect.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. Perimenopausal Ponderings says:

    Hi Ali. I love your parting sentence. And you are definitely onto something there. We aren`t perfect and really it is impossible to be . Maybe it`s that little naughty feeling we get when we feel like we are us again and not a role in life. I know it probably is for me now you have mentioned it “that we allow ourselves not to be perfect”. I have plenty of healthy crutches during my day that I do to combat the not so perfect ones, but they make me feel good too, in a different way. Great comment 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Fiery K. says:

    ” The youth of today (God I sound like my Nana!) are often on a health kick or have the fear of being posted on social media in a compromising position and it is just too horrifying I am told as once it’s out there, it`s out there. So they avoid it.”

    This is interesting. I think it’s awesome though because they are learning in a very real way what my Dad always taught me – “Don’t say or do anything you wouldn’t want played back on a tape recorder.”

    But on the other hand – wow. When do they really get to be themselves or make mistakes ? When do they get to relax? Only alone? That’s a whole other “wow”.

    I have questioned my drinking habits too this past year. I do meditate and work out and I do know how to relax the longer to get there way – but wow sometimes when you’ve worked your ass off all day or the kids have been particularly obnoxious, or the pets and house are driving you crazy – I just love the instant relaxation a glass of margarita or wine or vodka will give.

    So I have no answers lol – I”m still contemplating this one myself!

    Interesting to know I”m not the only mid life chick out there that rewards herself this way also. I didn’t realize it was a “thing”.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Fiery K. says:

    You are certainly not alone.

    My others are junk food snacks, Ibufprofin pm, guided meditations, gossip magazines, and Frank Baum’s oz stories on audio at night if I”m really stressy.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Fiery K. says:

    to Jacquiline and Ponderings both – that is a blog topic in itself – how to keep a regular meditation practice with kids.

    my 7 year old is getting better. But I had to laugh the other day when i’m sitting on my bed, going deep, and in he strolls “sorry mom just peeing,won’t bother you!”

    “thank you sweetpea, ommmmmmmmmm”

    like wtf lol

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Gloria says:

    I totally agree with you. In Ireland it’s beyond ridiculous. I’ve cut back on drinking in the last few years for several reasons. One: I can’t cope with even the slightly hangover any more. It takes me 3 days to feel normal again – almost bloody depressed and no motivation to do anything. Why would I want to keep doing that to myself?
    Two: alcoholism runs in my family and it’s always at the back of my mind.
    Three: when I’m out drinking (on a session) it might seem like I’m having a good time but inside all I can think about is the dreaded hangover, what if we can’t get a taxi, am I talking too much, am I making a bolo* of myself?
    I started going out and drinking non-alcohol beer. I was surprised to find that I actually enjoyed myself more because I was more relaxed. At first I couldn’t believe the comments from others?
    ‘Are ya alright?’
    ‘Don’t be so dry.’
    ‘Relax will ya…and have a proper drink’ ARGHHHH…..
    I pointed out that it was insulting to imply that my company wasn’t good enough while I was sober.
    Now my friends know that I actually don’t need alcohol to have a good time and they don’t comment any more.
    I do still drink…..I love a few glasses of Guinness when I’m out sometimes. But if I don’t feel like alcohol then I dont have it. I gave up being a victim of peer pressure a long time ago. (I’m 50 by the way) I stopped week-night drinking. I make one bottle of wine last 3 nights at the weekend. (Sometimes it lasts 2) I could have written a blog post with this comment! 😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Perimenopausal Ponderings says:

    What a great reply !! I hear you on almost every level as I approach 50 next year. It’s just too hard to deal with the next day especially after a big night. I too dread the morning after days before I go out as it’s so rare I know I will probably over do it 😉😊 . I have also gine back to work recently and am so tired it doesn’t mix. Just back from Singapore for a school reunion. Apart from the big dinner most nights were quiet or busy sightseeing ! Sober hols are my new thing !!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. The Travel Architect says:

    What gets me through? MUST start each day with a latte and the crossword. Then exercise at least 6 mornings a week. People think I’m crazy for getting up at 4:30 every morning – even on weekends, but a) going to bed and getting up at the same time every day is good for getting good sleep, and b) if exercise doesn’t happen before work in the morning, it’s not going to happen at all that day. As for alcohol, I have a saying that helps me keep the strong stuff in check: “Wine on Weekdays, Liquor on Leekends.” Also, I bought one of those wine glasses online that’s marked with a 2-oz line, 4-oz line, etc. I usually keep my daily consumption (except Saturdays when we’re entertaining or being entertained at someone else’s house) to 4 oz per day, and it takes the guesswork out.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Perimenopausal Ponderings says:

    I read about the reward thing recently. We wire our brains to it so to not have whatever reward we need to unwire it which is hard. I am working now.. Hence the lack of blogging but some nights I sleep over at work and crave nothing so it could be habitat too!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Perimenopausal Ponderings says:

    Gosh you sound very similar to me except I am failing to get up early to exercise now I am working. I used to do it after the school run every morning as like you it’s morning or nothing. I have been measuring my wine. My husband thinks I am nuts but he also gets frustrated that 150ml can last me ages! Weekends are definitely more relaxed. I heard Louie The roux once talking about finding your sweet spot for an evening tipple. Enough to enjoy and unwind at the end of the day but not too much to affect the next day 😊😊

    Liked by 1 person

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