Couples and Statistics.

Over the last few weeks I have heard at least two snippets on the tv or radio on how many times the average couple has sex. The one that caught my attention was that on average a married couple has sex five times a month. If I remember correctly (perimenopausal brain fog still not lifted!) it wasn’t age specific but more in relation to how busy, tired and how many dependents were thrown into the equation. I wasn’t really listening beyond the number 5, and not in a day or a week but a MONTH! “Woooo hoooo” I thought and couldn’t wait to tell my husband! We were hitting target! What a relief! The pressure is off, and I knew he would feel the same, probably even better, if that were possible in my ecstatic moment. By the way I am convinced men stress over these stats more than women do or is that just a ruse to get us at it more! “So and so says they do IT every night” etc etc.“Really?”reply,actually thinking “Do they bollocks! Excuse my French 

But then my reaction got me thinking, especially in these perimenopausal years I am in now when I do feel less like having sex for a multitude of reasons, that why am I so pressured by statistics and what society says is a “normal” amount of times in a month, and the answer to a happy marriage?Why do I feel such a “wooohooo” moment just because we made the stats? In fact last month we might have even beat it by a few times Even more “wooohooo`s”

Then I realised that sex and statistics have been around for years and from the time we hit the age of first having sex, we are bombarded with percentages and times…

  • when we first had sex
  • how many had it under age
  • how many partners we had if any before marriage
  • percentage of brides who were virgins (try before you buy I say!)
  • how many times we had sex when we had a newborn baby
  • how many times we have sex in our 40s, 50s. 60`s and so on ….

We try and find fix it strategies so that we don’t fall behind the average number that we should be hitting. “Date Night” comes to mind. Don’t get me wrong I think it’s a great idea to take time out for ourselves from the hum drum of everyday life and those around us that take our attention, but sometimes it’s just not practical. Not only that, I can be faced with, and I hope I am not alone here, no excitement but that dawning moment of dread when waking up on the morning of “Date Night” and my libido has disappeared and shows no sign of returning by that night ! Cue ideas of candles, sexy lingerie and maybe even oysters! No? Maybe a bottle of red? Maybe two?  The pressure is on!

Joking aside, perhaps we should just be happy being together and not put how many times we are getting “jiggy with it” as the main indicator to how happy our marriage is. When all the stars align there is nothing better than getting intimate with each other, but if they don’t for a few weeks we don`t need to be stressing about hitting that magic number a month. Perhaps it will be 0 but next month it might be 20! (Ok bit farfetched that one but you get the idea!)

So, move over pressuring statistic gatherers, we’ll have as much or as little sex as we like !

Until the next time

PP xx


18 thoughts on “Couples and Statistics.

  1. Perimenopause Ponderings says:

    Thanks Sue 🙂 I was a bit reluctant to talk about “Sex” but then why not 🙂


  2. Deb says:

    I have to admit I’m going to Google bollocks after I finish here, not aware of that word, lol. I totally agree, stop comparing ourselves to anyone else and do what makes us feel best. Whether it be once a day, week, month or year if the couple is happy that’s what matters. Great post…O!! 😉 xo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Cozynookbks says:

    Well said, Helen. Life can throw us off balance because of unanticipated events and challenges. Do they mention that??!! Why put a figure on something to worry people unnecessarily. As long as folks are having a committed, loving relationship, what difference does it make how often they’re being intimate? Whether it’s once a month or ten times a month the important thing is that they’re happy.😊

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Perimenopause Ponderings says:

    So true Laurie !! I was listening to a segment of a podcast which is sort of related….and something I hadn’t really considered…it was men who feel pressure to “perform” or banter about sex with mates when sometimes they don’t want to. Peer pressure. I keep meaning to ask you for good audiobook tips. I am an our into The Couple Next Door. Not bowling me over yet 😬. There’s another 4.5hrs to go! Hope you are well across the pond 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Perimenopause Ponderings says:

    Well goodness knows what you found there!! It`s a very British expression. A little bit like the S#@t word. If something isn`t right or goes wrong, we might say “Oh Bolllocks!” Funny things we have in our countries. I might google it too now 😉 I wonder what it actually says. I know what they are but does google ? 🙂 Thanks for the giggle Deb xx


  6. Cozynookbks says:

    Hi Helen!! It’s so silly that grown men should feel pressured to talk about sex with their peers. That’s a private, personal part of a relationship and shouldn’t be shared with a bunch of nosy men who themselves are probably lying about their own romps. 🙄

    I’m sorry you’re not enjoying your current audiobook so much. I’ve listened to some good ones. These are some that I’ve enjoyed:

    Summit Lake by Charlie Donlea
    Welcome to Rosie Hopkins’s Sweetshop of Dreams by Jenny Colgan
    Agatha Raisin and the Quiche of Death by M.C. Beaton
    Real Murders by Charlaine Harris
    Life And Other Near Death Experiences by Camille Pagán
    Little Beach Street Bakery by Jenny Colgan
    The Husband’s Secret by Liane Moriarty

    Cozy mysteries –
    Killer Jam by Karen MacInerney
    A Man of Some Repute by Elizabeth Edmondson
    Hummus and Homicide by Tina Kashian
    Death in the English Countryside by Sara Rosett
    Murder She Wrote: A Question of Murder, AND Coffee, Tea or Murder
    by Jessica Fletcher
    State of the Onion by Julie Hyzy
    The entire Oxford Tearoom Mysteries series by HY Hanna (They get better and better with each new release. My favorite was Muffins and Mourning Tea)
    Twisted Threads by Lea Wait

    I’ve enjoyed all of these audiobooks, and you can read the reviews for any one of them on my blog to see what they’re about if you’d like.
    I hope this helps. I’m doing as well as can be expected I think 🤦🏽‍♀️. With age comes issues. I hope you are doing well, Helen. 😘😘

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Perimenopause Ponderings says:

    Hi Laurie! I shall set that as my task for tomorrow because it is due to rain and the car is getting fixed so a home day. I think I was just unlucky. The reviews aren`t great but it is up there near the top of bestsellers at the moment. It was quite corny I thought. I am convinced your tips and reviews will get me going. Loving Hetty`s Farmhouse Bakery. All well hear if a tad cold in our winter. We are not used to it. It doesn`t really go below 15 degrees and we are still moaning 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Cozynookbks says:

    Helen, I’m so happy you’re enjoying Hetty’s Farmhouse Bakery. ☺️
    I hope you’ll find a good audiobook to read. I truly believe the narrator has a lot to do with the success of an audiobook. But even a really great narrator can’t make up for an unlikable book. C

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Cozynookbks says:

    (Sorry, I hit return by mistake.)
    Conversely, a good book can be ruined by a bad narrator. I like when they provide you with a sample clip so you can listen to the narrator’s voice before you invest in the book.
    I actually am longing for Fall and Winter here in the states. I can take this awful, oppressive heat!! 😩

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Perimenopause Ponderings says:

    That`s a great idea for the sample ! Why didn`t I think of that ? I shall sample away tomorrow on your recommendations. My narrator was Kirsten Potter.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Claudette says:

    A few years ago a friend of mine from Germany pointed me to a blog post about a woman who had two kids who embarked on an experiment about this: she was going to have sex every day for a year and blog about it.

    She did. I will have to look for the link later, but I remember reading some of it and thought her perspective was funny and educational and not so far off, either!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Michelle says:

    Sex and perimenopause…lol. Do they mix? I am in the same boat really so this post made me giggle. Really who has the energy all the time? I sure don’t. Between 3 kids (pre-teens and teens) and dealing with fatigue, terrible hormone issues, and all the rest. I need a vacation on a beach!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Perimenopausal Ponderings says:

    Perhaps they were never meant to mix !!?? 😉😉. Thank you for reading and posting. My question is would the vacation be on your own ? I think mine would be with a bell to summon hubby when required 🌴☀😂😉


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